EP. 38: Hugging God, Healing Grief: My Ibogaine & 5-MeO-DMT Experience
In this deeply personal episode of Holistic Health with Dr. Heather Heck, I open up about my transformative experience at the Ambio Life Sciences treatment facility in Tijuana, Mexico.
From embracing my inner child to releasing grief over profound losses, I share how Ibogaine guided me through incredible healing. I learned that I need to trust my intuition, mend relationships, and let go of the emotional burdens that had weighed me down for years. I even encountered moments beyond explanation – reconnecting with loved ones, including my late father, and experiencing a spiritual hug from God.
But when Iboga warned me I might die if I took 5-MeO-DMT, the decision I faced was life-changing. Did I take it? You’ll have to tune in to find out.
This episode reveals why I believe Ibogaine has the power to change lives and why I feel the world could be a better place if more people experienced it.
Listen now to join me on this miraculous journey of healing, self-discovery, and transformation.
For more information on Ambio, go here. You can also find them and their own amazing podcast on YouTube!!
For Episode 1 Play-by-Play of my Journey, go here.
To learn more about Trevor Millar and Ambio, listen to this episode.
Show Notes
1
0:00:00
So yeah, all of us ladies had different times when the Ibogaine kicked in. has, um, what they do is they play wiki music and it's this, it's kind of pretty, but it's kind of annoying once you're in the medicine. It's a stringy African music. Um, if you've seen like some documentaries where they're dancing and fire is going
1
0:00:33
and they're in grass skirts and, um, they're celebrating, right? Because over there it's a rite of passage. Um, that's what they start playing. So besides that you have a rattle and you start shaking that to get the spirit of the medicine going to get your head in the right space. The nurses are all behind you standing shaking their rattles just to help you get into that journey. We each did a second round, we're fine talking. One girl at the far
1
0:01:11
end starts to go down. She just said she felt heavy and you do feel like you're sinking into the earth. So she laid down immediately. Another girl felt it at the second dose because she's journeyed with Ibogaine three times so it was ready for. After the third dose the lady to my left went down and then we took the fourth dose with a spoon, the capsule, and honey to help it metabolize. And, um, that started to kick in a little bit for me. Um, I took it and you're, you're sitting on the mattress, looking at yourself in
1
0:01:52
the mirror, shaking this rattle and the girl next to me, um, she's journeyed with hiawasca, but never ibogaine. So I hear her shaking, just looking at myself in the mirror. And then at one point I start to see my, my image morph and melt. And then I saw my maraca do the same thing. I'm like, shit, here we go. It's time.
1
0:02:16
So as soon as you start to feel that you put your mask on and then you lay back. So what I did was I set my maraca between my mattress and my mirror, just to kind of get it out of the way. And there's a little purge bucket to your right with some tissues. And there's water too,
1
0:02:35
but I don't think any of us touched the water. Because with Ibogaine, you purge. So some people vomit, some people have diarrhea for me. I'm so blessed because my purge was crying and I think with all the grief I had, I just shove all those emotions down deep inside where nobody can reach them. So I was ugly crying for like 12,
1
0:03:03
eight to 12 hours the whole night. Um, and I'm still emotional at times. So that was my purge, thankfully, I didn't vomit. So yeah, the medicine kicked in, I laid back and I just was listening to the maracas. I heard the girl next to me shaking her still because she was not in the medicine and I heard the nurses behind me and then I heard my maraca shaking at the foot of my bed and then I saw it bouncing up and down off the floor. And I'm like, yep, I'm in it. Here we go.
1
0:03:44
So what I saw was just I started to see visuals. I saw African dancers. I saw a fire. I would lift my mask just to kind of keep a point of reference, because, again, first time doing any kind of drug I didn't know what to expect and I would lift it and Above my mirror against the blue wall. I would see this black bird flying against the wall
1
0:04:13
And it would just fly up and out So that went on for a little bit I Saw and I felt a bright white light shine in my eyes, which is a common experience. And then, um, the medicine really kicked in. And what I heard was a metallic bee, because a lot of people feel that as the medicine enters. So for me,
1
0:04:38
it was this big, it was a big bee. It was a big metal bee. It came through and it buzzed in my right ear, very, very loud and then the coolest thing happened it entered my body and it went through the best way I can describe it is it sent synapses through my nervous system like little puddle jumps it was jumping throughout my body and then it went like a jackhammer like through my teeth I felt it jackhammering my jaw, it went through my skull, I felt it on my
1
0:05:19
right ovary, I felt it work on my back a little bit, and then it went to my bunion. I have this bunion on my right foot and it's gotten worse with each pregnancy. And I felt the medicine push my bone in and it like this little stitching of the muscles that needed to get the bone right back in place. It went across my foot and then up my calf.
1
0:05:42
And then I felt it in my fingers and my toes, just this like electrical, jumpy,
2
0:05:49
burny feel.
1
0:05:50
And then throughout that night, that metal bee would come back, but it wouldn't be as loud as it was. And then I was really in the medicine and Iboga came to me. And when they told me this, you know, Iboga might come to you as a man or as a plant. I'm like, what the hell are you talking about, right? Like my scientific brain cannot wrap my head around this. Sure
1
0:06:19
as shit, he came to me as a super cute little bark man. My husband said it best, was he like the Microsoft paper clip? Yes, he was. He was this little piece of bark, he had these little eyes, and then he had this little leaf hat and he was just right in my right lower vision throughout the whole journey. So what happened is I felt after that point, I felt my third eye open and I entered this beautiful and I felt like I was looking through my third eye into this space, this beautiful dark blue sky and light blue stars. I saw the bear constellation
1
0:07:04
right here and at one point I lifted my mask and I looked up and it was still the same sky. I'm like, oh, that's cool. They painted the ceiling. The ceiling was white. So, um, I put my mask back down and then the medicine started to show me things. Um, if I would, and you can enter, it's crazy. You can interact with the medicine. Um, so I would ask it questions and it would give me answers.
1
0:07:32
So, um, one of the visions it showed me was I saw my grandmother, who I really wanted to see, and then I saw my grandfather, who I never met, who died when my mom was nine. I met him, and that was wonderful. I saw my dad, who passed a couple years ago, and I just hugged him so hard. And I cried, and I just said, I miss you so much. We didn't interact other than that, but That was beautiful. And then anytime the medicine showed me something I
1
0:08:09
Just said thank you so much for showing me that just to be respectful Because it can definitely take you on an ugly journey as well And I entered the medicine that way too when I first saw that little leaf. I just said iboga, please be gentle. Please be kind But please show me what I need to see. After the visions of my grandma and my dad, I just saw a few visions of my mom and then my dad, and it just said to repair that relationship sooner rather than later, and just to have
1
0:08:48
more grace and kindness with her. I had lost a couple of babies in the past and it was this beautiful, and so there was a lot of grief over that. So if you guys have ever done any cross stitch, you know those metal hoops or those wooden hoops with the metal turn and you put your fabric in and you tighten it? I saw that and this linen over it and then I saw two babies in it and it was
1
0:09:21
so beautiful and I just I got such relief and release from that grief and forgiveness so that was one of the main things I wanted to reach as well. At some points in the night I would ask the medicine questions and it would give me answers and it would show up to me as the planet Hollywood globe and in the middle would be these words. And so for example it would ask me, I asked if I should do 5, 5 MEODMT and it said no and I asked the medicine why why should I not do that and it said you will die so that was clear and then another one I asked the medicine if I should send my husband down and it said yes and then I said is
1
0:10:21
there a message I should give him and it said buckle up because it's gonna be a crazy ride, right? And then at some points in the night, if I thought I was steering the journey or I was imagining it, like it wasn't happening through the medicine, I would ask Iboga, if you showed me that versus my mind, can you give me a sign? And again, I'm laying on the mattress and I felt my head go like this and it went like that probably six or seven times. I just felt at one point in the night I felt this warm center in like my solar plexus and
1
0:11:06
basically Iboga said I need to listen to my gut more, listen to my intuition and And it was just so humbling to go through it. The other cool thing about Iboga is you hear whispers. So you might think somebody's next to you talking to you, and you lift up your mask and nobody's there. Or you might think a nurse is next to you,
1
0:11:29
and nobody's there. I know the girl over here said, Heather, I thought you were trying to talk to me the whole night. And I'm like, I don't have the capacity to talk to Heather. And then my girl over here, she said, Heather, I thought you got up and helped
1
0:11:42
one of the other girls with the nurses. So it makes you think crazy stuff. So that was interesting. I did get, this was really neat, I got a message from one of my patient's boyfriends that passed away.
1
0:12:03
I haven't seen this patient in probably three years. And her boyfriend succumbed to, I believe, lung or cancer issues. And he said, can you just tell her I love her and I'm okay. And that's never happened to her. Like she wasn't even, she hasn't been in my mind for a while. Oh and the other really neat thing is that I saw myself as a six or seven
1
0:12:38
year old child and basically that version of me asked why am I not loved or why am I not safe? And then my adult version was able to give myself a hug. As silly as that sounds, it was so healing to do that and to see that. Because, again, I didn't have the best childhood. I have a lot of resentment and grief over that. So that just kind of provided some healing for me.
1
0:13:15
And then throughout the night, not only did I thank Iboga for showing me some things, but I saw God and I hugged God about five times. Just so much gratitude and thankfulness for what I had been shown. And at that last time I had asked if Mary could join us in the hug
1
0:13:44
and Mary came down. And when these visions would come to me, they would come from the sky and the stars and then they would go back through. So that was just beautiful. And I did see some angels. I saw Saint Michael, I saw Gabriel, I saw some angels around us and I saw angels around each of us girls So it was just so beautiful
1
0:14:06
When the medicine was done with me It had asked me if I had any more questions or anything else to resolve and I said no, I think I'm really good thank you so much for showing me that and The best way I can describe it is when somebody dies in like Ireland or Scotland, you know, they put them on that little raft and they push it out and then they're gone.
1
0:14:31
That's exactly what the medicine did to me. I felt like it cocooned me and then pushed me off and then it left. Then I was out of the medicine. So I think I got out of it at like six in the morning. Yeah, we got our IVs and they asked me
1
0:14:47
if I wanted to go to my room and yeah, I was ready to get off the mattress at that point. So I go down my room, the nurse just checks upon me, tells me to rest and I look, I had a plant, it was on a ledge, there was a big mirror at the end of my bed and there's a plant, pretty big plant up here and I was looking at the plant and it just, it started to breathe And then I could still hear the wiki music
1
0:15:14
and I thought I heard voices and I'm like, I think that the medicine is still here. So I journaled what I could again You're kind of a toxic so you're writing what you can And I went downstairs Just to be around other people Because I thought I might lose my mind if I don't, literally.
1
0:15:38
On grade day, so I said Iboga told me not to do DMT. So after my Reiki session, I came down and I was bawling 2K. I'm like, I don't wanna do DMT, I'm gonna die. I don't wanna die in Mexico. I don't wanna leave my babies.
1
0:15:55
And she said, well, sometimes the medicine doesn't literally mean that. So get a good night's sleep and see how you feel in the morning. And again, I had breakfast, I felt great. I felt the best I ever have.
1
0:16:10
Just total peace, total love, just gratitude. So I'm like, yeah, I'm going to do DMT. Just try it out. I'm here. I'm going to finish the journey. So I went second because my port, I don't have very good veins,
1
0:16:27
so my port wasn't doing really well. And you have a port for a couple of days. Um, and you have to keep your port in until after DMT. So, um, I was second and the way the nurse Ruby, Ruby is fantastic. She is such a fantastic nurse. So Ruby was there one of the day nurses and then Kay was there. And they sage you before iboga, they sage you before five.
1
0:16:56
So I was saged and you smoke it, so she put it in a vape and you clench up, you inhale it, you clench up, and you're supposed to hold it and she's counting from 10 backwards. So yeah I started to feel it when she counted to eight um and when you lay back you're supposed to release right let go just relax this girl lets nothing go right type a um so that was really hard so I let go as much as I could. And when I first, and you have a mask on.
1
0:17:40
So when I first entered it, it was, um, this black void, this black ether. Um, and it was just this space and it was beautiful. At first I saw some like geometric shapes. Um, and then I just felt the sense of awe and beauty and warmth and I I don't know this for sure but I can imagine how when people die they look up and they they you know they see this beauty I think I think that's probably what they experience because I
1
0:18:23
like moaning because it was like, ah, it was so beautiful. And then I started to freak out because I was dying. So I felt my heart racing and then I saw myself laying there dying. And I know I just kept saying, I don't wanna die.
1
0:18:44
I don't wanna do this. This was a mistake. I don't wanna die in Mexico. Who's gonna take care of my babies? And then I could see and feel like my particles Leaving my fingers and I was just like going and it was so scary and so painful because I didn't want to leave
1
0:19:02
That I just said God, please take me and at that point I took a deep breath in and then I saw my last breath and then my head turned and I died. And it went silent, completely silent. And then I didn't hear the music playing anymore in the background, because I was dead. And then I'm like, hello?
1
0:19:24
Because I thought the nurses at that point went somewhere because they had this dead body now. And Ruby's like, yeah, we're here, honey. Take your mask off. And I took my mask off. I'm like, what the hell was that? I'm like,
1
0:19:43
I never want to do that again. And that was just the first hit you're offered two hits. Um, so Kay says, okay, well just think about it. Sometimes if you take the second hit, it's better. You're past that point. Um, because you've died, right? Or sometimes it's just as bad. I did not do the second hit. I wish I would have now because I know that I wasn't gonna die. Well, not literally dying, but yeah, I looked at Ruby and I said, that's just, I never want to do that again. I
1
0:20:19
said, I got nothing out of that. Well, I did. Number one, it killed my ego, right? And it's known as that. It's known as the ego killer. And I told her, I'm like, I don't have an ego. Right? She's like, honey, everyone has an ego. Yeah.
1
0:20:35
Just amazing. So now, I don't want to say I'm not scared to die, but I'm not as scared. I think for me, the biggest reason I'm scared of dying is who's going to take care of everyone, right? Typical mom. But it'll all be okay if that happens. So, yeah, crazy.
1
0:20:57
Completely crazy. So yeah, I definitely got a lot out of the DMT. I didn't think I would. So, yeah, it's really put life in a perspective for me and I'm very grateful for that. So I will be doing the medicine again. I don't know when. I'm in no rush to go back.
1
0:21:12
Because you just feel so emotionally raw and pure from it. But there's just such peace. I came back and I'm like, everyone, everyone needs to do iTheGame. Everybody. And I think we would be a happier world if we did. It's just nicer, right? It's just nicer, right? Yeah. Crazy.
Transcribed with Cockatoo