EP. 41: Therapy, Supplements & Dieting Didn’t Heal My Anxiety—But This Did
🎙️The Camera Kept Rolling—A Behind-the-Scenes Conversation on True Healing
Some moments aren’t meant for the spotlight, but they’re often the most powerful.
This episode wasn’t planned. It’s a raw, unfiltered conversation between me and my publicist—caught when the camera was supposed to be off. But after my life-changing journey with ibogaine and 5-MeO-DMT, everything has shifted.
💬 "I could've done counseling for 30 years, taken all the supplements, eaten as clean as possible, exercised—but nothing in my 42 years of life could've given me the healing and peace that I (now) have."
In this episode, I open up about:
✨ The Ibogaine Glow – Why this transformation isn’t just a moment, but a whole new way of being
🧘 How I’m Sustaining the Shift – The daily practices keeping me grounded: nutrition, yoga, meditation, breath-work
🌍 A New Lens on Life – Letting go of stress, embracing what truly matters
This is real healing. No script. No filters. Just the truth about what happens when you finally break free.
🎧 Don’t miss this one. Subscribe now and listen in.
About this Podcast
☕ Fuel the Conversation! Loving the podcast? If you’d like to send a little cup of coffee my way in gratitude (and to keep me going!), I’d truly appreciate it. Because it’s the little things...
Show Notes
1
0:00:00
Yeah, crazy.
13
0:00:07
You forgot to mention mushrooms.
12
0:00:10
Oh yeah.
17
0:00:12
To maintain your glow.
12
0:00:14
Yeah.
26
0:00:15
That's what you're supposed to do?
1
0:00:16
That's what they recommend.
4
0:00:18
Okay.
9
0:00:19
Yeah.
1
0:00:20
I'm in. Yeah.
3
0:00:22
I'm trying to find a good source for it.
1
0:00:23
Like a medicinal source. And no desire for coffee. No desire. Don't even want it. Just water. Water and Yeah. What?
12
0:00:46
What other differences have you noticed?
25
0:00:47
Just calm.
12
0:00:48
Just peace.
3
0:00:49
Total peace. Not always thinking about what's next.
16
0:00:51
Yeah, yeah.
1
0:00:52
Like I was running an hour late Tuesday and Wednesday with patients because everybody was asking me and I'm like, I missed a Zoom meeting. I'm like, it doesn't matter. It doesn't fucking matter. None of this matters. None of this matters.
1
0:01:20
What do you feel like does matter right now?
2
0:01:23
Just love, just family and love.
1
0:01:25
And just being kind to one another, you know? Do you feel like you're immediately going to take action on those things or do you have
2
0:01:41
to try?
24
0:01:42
I don't even have to try.
1
0:01:43
I want to.
7
0:01:44
It's crazy.
8
0:01:45
Crazy.
23
0:01:46
Yeah.
1
0:01:47
Like the meditation, I think my biggest challenge where I'm at in my life is just time with the kids. So my coach recommended like 10 minutes before and then after in the morning, before my day and after my day. And then I can certainly squeak and like reiki and massage a couple times a year. And then weekly yoga. Yeah. And you know, the funny thing is, is before, like I would feel mom guilt if I took any time for myself. Now I'm like, no, I need
1
0:02:22
need to. It's not selfish. Yeah. Yeah.
8
0:02:27
Do you think your kids notice?
2
0:02:29
I think so. I think so. The dogs noticed. And they said that
1
0:02:33
they're like, when you go home, just like, be careful. Like tread lightly, because you'll notice people are responding to you differently. And they said, because now you're at a different vibration, you're going to be attracting different opportunities and different people and you're going to be letting go of toxicity. So just be prepared for some relationships to go away and then some to come at you.
2
0:03:01
How did that make you feel? What were you thinking when you heard that?
1
0:03:08
Yeah, excited. And you know, the, like with the whole coffee thing, before I would drink like four to six cups a day
8
0:03:16
just to get through, right?
1
0:03:17
Like, just to get through my life that I was going through the motions in. Because society tells you that. Get your Starbucks. Get your Starbucks so you can deal with your kids, deal with your family.
1
0:03:29
or, you know, not that I drink alcohol, but like, drink alcohol so you can cope with people. So, yeah, just total perception shift. And like, now I feel so like, clean and kind of pure that I don't want junkies, not that I ate a lot of junk food before, but like I want really good stuff in my body, you know? And like no, no like anxiety, just none. Yeah, because you mentioned the buzz.
1
0:04:12
There was a buzz. Yeah, like that, I got to do this, I got to do that.
2
0:04:16
Like I'm not breathing.
1
0:04:17
I'm not, I'm always thinking about what's next and now I'm not. Like I went through, I got back Monday, I had clinic Tuesday, Wednesday. I didn't even make a list until today. I had like 500 emails when I got back.
12
0:04:37
I'm like, eh. Before I'd be like having anxiety from that.
1
0:04:41
Yeah, it's just wild.
3
0:04:42
Just total bliss. What's your list say, that you made today?
1
0:04:46
What's the list, like to do what? Basically, I just had a call with my coach, because you do two sessions before I begin
22
0:04:56
and two after.
1
0:04:58
And then you were on my list and I had office hours for my Zoom and that was it. Not like, get dog food, get groceries, do this. It'll get done. It'll get done and if it doesn't, life goes on.
7
0:05:30
Right?
21
0:05:31
Crazy.
1
0:05:32
Yeah, I'm just like, shhh. And I could have done counseling for 30 years. I could take all the supplements I want, eat as clean, exercise, and nothing in my 42 years of life would ever give me this healing and peace that I have. Colin asked me, because it's expensive to go down there,
1
0:05:55
and he's like, would you have paid double? I'm like, I would have paid triple to go down there. Like I don't care, money's not an issue, like it'll all work out. Yeah, just like, like this is what life is supposed to be like. We get one chance in this human experience. Would you go
2
0:06:25
with him or would you have him do it on his own?
1
0:06:29
On his own. I think it's important because your energy, with who you're with, your energy feeds off other people. And it's nice. So this is the cool thing too. Iboga has a memory.
1
0:06:40
So if I, if, when I go down for a second journey, it'll remember my first journey and it's kind of like an onion. It'll heal things that you need now and then if you need deeper healing it'll take you there but it also has a memory between souls so it'll remember my journey and that'll affect Colin's journey. said your husband should go. What did he say? He's like, he's just like, all right, bring it on.
1
0:07:12
Because not many people have a beautiful journey like I did. It was so kind to me. Yeah, some people, like the girl next to me, it was like a circus for her. She literally, she thought she had died and she felt her heart give away. And truly, because I was next to her, they were worried about her.
1
0:07:43
They had a pulse ox on her for a little bit because you have to be careful with your heart. And so she thought she died, but it provided healing for her heart that she knew she had underlying issues with. She'd done yoga for so long,
1
0:07:57
she slowed her heart rate down too low.
5
0:08:00
Yeah.
1
0:08:02
And so it provided that healing, but that's how it manifested. Yeah. So some people it can be really awful. I know like my coach had told me, you know, like some of her visuals, because I feel like there's stages like you are loved you are worthy like this
7
0:08:30
Gratitude
1
0:08:31
Soundtrack kind of thing and then like you can hear it and I'm like bawling because like You know grateful And the woman next to me she's like stop with that sappy stuff like she was because she's not used to that You know so it like pushes you depending on what the music the music kind of like shifts your journey So I don't know where I was going with that Yeah, yeah, but it was it was neat yeah the music was was neat
1
0:09:01
Yeah, it just it shows you what you need. The there were five of you. Yeah. Did the five of you on gray day or even the day after that?
9
0:09:09
Did you have like a like a recount of everybody?
1
0:09:12
Because, you know, yeah, we do. Yeah, we do like a group session where we share our experiences.
2
0:09:17
And it's such a safe space. I've never been anywhere where you can literally air your dirty laundry
1
0:09:23
and you're not judged. No judgment. And just such a loving environment and supportive. Yeah. Really, really neat.
9
0:09:45
You can go keep in touch with those women.
3
0:09:46
Yeah, I do.
1
0:09:47
We, they use the signal app to communicate with you while you're down there and before and after. So, yeah, I can contact the ladies and keep up and keep in touch with them. Yeah, because we really did bond. It was beautiful.
12
0:10:09
Yeah.
1
0:10:10
And I think that'll help us continue on this right path. Yeah, one of the women, the older woman, her son was there because of addiction, and he had such a wonderful experience. He's gone down three times because it's been so healing for him. He just wants to be better and better and better and better. So he was actually there the same time she was. He was just in a different house.
1
0:10:34
So, yeah, it was really neat.
2
0:10:38
What's next? Like, do you communicate any more with Ambio or...
3
0:10:45
Probably not anytime soon.
1
0:10:48
I'm going to share my experience with one of the schools I teach for because we're there at Psilocybin's Legal. And so for me, I think it's just a matter of time before psychedelics take that place. So I just want to introduce people into this level of healing. And of course, there's more and more research coming out. I know I found one study that showed like one hit off 5-MEO-DMT gets rid of anxiety. So just amazing. Yeah,
1
0:11:25
I'll die again if I have to go through it to get rid of anxiety for sure. So yeah, I want to present to the school. I know I had a Zoom meeting with one of my classes and one of the girls, they knew that everyone knew I was in Mexico because I wasn't in the classroom for a while And she asked about my experience and I told her everything I told the group that and she's like, thank you so much for sharing and just being authentic It's just so nice to hear openness of alternative medicine and
1
0:11:54
Integrative healing she's like I definitely am in the right place for it. So I just want to spread the word as much as I can.
2
0:12:05
Would you say the experience confirmed everything you've done up until this point, or is it like a junction of a complete change?
7
0:12:13
I think it's a junction.
20
0:12:15
I'm definitely, I want to do,
1
0:12:17
the next psychedelic I want to do is ayahuasca. Ibogaine is like they say the grandfather. So he's the grandfather, that loving tenderness that shows you the outer sphere. Ayahuasca is that grandmothery, rooting, earthy, that'll show you your family lineage and ancestral things. So I definitely want to do ayahuasca at some point. And just explore different psychedelics. If I can get this healing from five days,
1
0:12:58
I want to see what else is out there. Yeah. But has this healing changed your purpose in life?
9
0:13:05
I think so.
2
0:13:07
You know, I had asked, I had asked the medicine
1
0:13:10
because obviously I went through a lot of change last year. My husband's accident, leaving my job, finding out I was pregnant, and just really struggled with that. So one of my questions for the medicine was, what's my purpose? Am I on the right track? And it said my purpose is to be a mom.
1
0:13:36
And that felt so good. It did show me, and then I asked, I said, well, are we having any more kids? And then it showed two, a girl and a boy, little car seat, like twins. And I remember crying at that,
1
0:13:51
because it was so beautiful. You know, I'd lost the babies, and then this came up. And I got back and I told my husband that, and he's like, you know, we don't have to make that manifest, right? So it showed me that, and my coach said today, maybe that's not your only purpose in life, but the primary one, right? Because being in the medical field
1
0:14:14
for so long and being this type A business woman, driven, giving myself to everyone from that component, now it shifted more of an inward purpose that I didn't expect and now I'm at peace with that And it's okay to do that
12
0:14:32
I
1
0:14:33
Did ask it if I should continue the podcast? And it was funny and I don't I think he was being a jokester with this Because he gave me this it was still the planet Hollywood coming through but iboga went like this. It went and so I think he was maybe just being sarcastic kind of like that you're gonna die thing at least I'm hoping so but yeah he did that he didn't say anything about like social media but he went so yeah I don't know I what that means. So yeah, it was pretty cool. It seems like the jokester was there the entire time.
1
0:15:19
The entire time, yeah. And like I said, he was really kind to me, but yeah, he was a trickster. And he's known, so many people view him as a trickster, and he really was. So funny. Yeah. And I've never experienced an herb that has, I don't want to say a soul, but a purpose or a personality like this. You know, because I use like ashwagandha, rhodiola, ginseng tumors, like all of those. And we just think of them as plants, but there's so much more than that. With iboga, it just, it definitely has God, in my opinion, you know, somebody, one of
1
0:15:59
my patients asked me if I struggled with my religion with doing a psychedelic. I took my rosary in just to have some extra comfort and support. I did say the Hail Marys many times throughout the night when I was getting scared. But I, in my deepest being, believe that God made these herbs and these medicines for for a reason and for a purpose. So for me doing psychedelics I'm totally okay because I know it was God-driven. Why else would they be here?
9
0:16:37
I love that.
8
0:16:39
Yeah.
6
0:16:41
I can't think of any more questions.
19
0:16:43
I'm still in shock.
1
0:16:45
It's crazy. Yeah.
2
0:16:50
So you don't feel like you've had to adjust in any way, like coming home? Or have you felt like you've had to adjust?
1
0:16:57
No. And you know, one of my patients said yesterday, they're like, you seem so much lighter, so much, because I was like laughing and jumpy and smiling and more childlike. And I did want to have, be more joyful. That was one of my intentions is be more joyful, more happy. Because life beats you down, right?
1
0:17:17
Like you just go through the motions. You're not super thrilled about another day. And I feel like it has made me that and truly allowed me to be more present when I'm talking to people or interacting. Yeah. And I can see, you know, when I interviewed people before, they say I've journeyed with.
1
0:17:33
Not like I've done. And it's not over probably. No, they say, so you have, Ibogaine becomes norebogaine in your system and it's in your system working for three to six months. Now if you have alcohol,
1
0:17:50
it will flush it out of your system. So, yeah, just the start of it all. You're new. Yep.
8
0:17:57
Shiny and new.
1
0:17:58
Shiny and new, new to the world. Amazing. Yeah, it was cool. I'm like thinking. I don't even know. I can't believe it. It's crazy. I can't believe I did psychedelics and The most powerful ones out there They say that you don't so somebody asked that like do you become Like can you get worse from it and it doesn't make you a different person but it takes all the negative of you and infuses that with what you truly should be the more
1
0:18:57
positive. It's so exciting. It's so cool. I'm just like, shhh.
18
0:19:11
Don't tell her this, but I've got a bet on how long we'll last.
13
0:19:16
How long?
17
0:19:17
We'll see.
8
0:19:18
Really?
16
0:19:19
Yeah. Oh, wait, you don't know?
15
0:19:21
Wait, you haven't told her?
4
0:19:22
I think six weeks.
1
0:19:23
Okay.
4
0:19:24
Before life starts... Kicking me? But, I'm optimistic.
14
0:19:28
Mm-hmm.
13
0:19:29
But so what?
2
0:19:30
So what if life does and at six weeks the glow is gone. So what? Like don't you still remember? How you you know what I mean like?
1
0:19:44
Once you've experienced. Yeah, and that's why they say to microdose psilocybin To get you back to that it resets your nervous system a little bit I don't know I feel like once you've
2
0:19:54
I haven't been through it obviously But I don't think you ever completely go back. That's what I mean. Yeah now, you know The joy and gratitude of feeling like I don't have to overreact. I don't have to Respond right away. I don't have to fall for these worldly ideals, right? I can feel that peace again
1
0:20:17
Right, so I don't even if that's six weeks the glow is gone. Yeah. Yeah. And they say you never go back completely. You're never quite the same person as you were when you went down. Right.
12
0:20:34
Yeah.
8
0:20:35
Yeah.
11
0:20:36
And then body acid.
3
0:20:39
I know. What is that? What is that?
10
0:20:45
Oh my gosh.
1
0:20:46
You're going to die. Oh, I sure shit did. Great. That's crazy. You know how Angela's like yeah I saw myself die twice? Totally there. You understand that? Totally there. Like part of me still thinks I died down there. It's crazy. Because it's so real. It has to be where the gratitude comes from.
1
0:21:09
I can do anything.
6
0:21:10
Right, right.
1
0:21:11
I think the goals, now you're like, I'm going to go, maybe that's not what you're supposed
9
0:21:12
to do, but I'm going to go run a marathon because nothing's hard anymore.
8
0:21:13
I don't know.
7
0:21:14
Yeah.
4
0:21:15
Is there anything like that?
8
0:21:16
Just calm and peace.
5
0:21:17
Just calm and peace.
1
0:21:18
Yeah.
7
0:21:19
Well, and I think, you know, like, I think that's what I'm going to do.
6
0:21:20
I'm going to do a marathon.
2
0:21:21
I'm going to do a marathon. I'm going to do a marathon.
3
0:21:38
Just call in peace. Yeah
1
0:21:40
Well, and I think you know like I forget who said this but they don't you just don't care you don't give a shit what people think of you or You know how popular you are or You know how many followers you get like none of that matters you don't buy the bullshit the same way you just don't. You can see right through it. I personally think that is to your credit and to your fault why your Instagram is not exploding and why your podcast is not exploding. You're too real. People need the fake shit.
2
0:22:26
I think that's what's so frustrating.
1
0:22:28
Yeah, I think so too.
3
0:22:30
Everybody knows and loves you.
2
0:22:32
Yeah. And for the same reason, because you're crunchy and awesome and... Real.
1
0:22:38
Real! Authentic.
5
0:22:40
Yeah.
2
0:22:42
It's like, too authentic for fake world.
1
0:22:44
It is. And now it's like, I don't really care. You know, it doesn't matter. Just do it for fun. Yeah I love that. But our follower Just do it for fun. Yeah I love that. But our follower count's going up. It continues to go up.
Transcribed with Cockatoo